That pretty much sums it up. I apparently do not choose the popular foods that make it – like Go-Gurt (still trying to figure that out) and Nutella (how is that STILL on the shelf?). Kind of like when you start watching a show, but you know that no one else is watching it – and then it gets canceled and now you’ll never have closure on key plot points? Yeah. I never get food closure.

Stuff with bananas. Bananas are quite possibly the most amazing food in the world. In. The. World. Monkeys were definitely onto something when they figured out that you could peel that yellow boomerang and deliciousness would follow. But that’s for another post about how cool monkeys are when they aren’t ripping your face off. Every time I’m in the grocery store, I see that those food scientists (I’m pretty sure that’s a job) have figured out another way to harness the pure awesomeness of bananas. Banana oatmeal, banana cakes, banana popsicles, banana yogurt. It’s a freakin’ banana lovefest. My cart over flow-eth. But next time I go back, it’s not there.

Those bastards.

Unfrosted Blueberry PopTarts. Granted, I know that PopTarts are diabetes-in-a-box…but sometimes I jones for them like a junkie joneses for a fix. But they don’t sell these at ALL the stores. Mr J usually does me a solid and brings a few from the one store I know carries them, but we don’t really shop there regularly because the store has a weird smell– of Lysol and beets. I know you’re with me about the weird smell thing. PopTarts may be trying to kill us – they load that shit up with a crackly frosting that’s bound to melt the enamel right off your teeth, but the UNfrosted kind is just pure magic. I did see a commercial for PopTarts where they recommended making an ice cream sammich using 2 PopTarts with an ice cream filling. WTF? That’s not Sparta, that’s just madness.

Fried Apple Pies at McDonald’s. Okay, Okay, I get it. Fried is a bad word. Which explains why they keep pushing us to call it KFC, not Kentucky Fried Chicken.  I don’t think that’s what the Colonel would have wanted. Of course, he’s dead….probably from clogged arteries from delicious chicken. Mmm. Chicken.  But we’re talking about pies here. McDonald’s got all big-brother on us and switched to “baked” pies.

Those bastards. Like they think we wouldn’t notice.

Baked pies?! Really, McDonald’s? I mean, come on….baked? Really? Nuked pies, I’ll give you…but baked is totally pushing it. Semantics aside, how I miss those pockets of  fried hot apple fire. Luckily, I travel a bit overseas, and those McDonald’s STILL make those unbelievably delicious pies.

Also, I found out that I can get a hot banana pie there. 

There are too many jokes in the last statement…enjoy.