{"id":8,"date":"2011-12-30T16:11:45","date_gmt":"2011-12-30T16:11:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/f6a4e7b1-3519-4540-a41e-94b888a69532"},"modified":"2011-12-30T16:11:45","modified_gmt":"2011-12-30T16:11:45","slug":"december-needs-to-end-before-it-kills-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/trendables.com\/?p=8","title":{"rendered":"December Needs to End Before it Kills Me"},"content":{"rendered":"

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<\/font>Dudes, it has been FOREVER since we talked. What the hell is wrong with me?<\/em> Oh yeah, it\u2019s December. Which is kind of like the opposite of that show \u201cThe Biggest Loser.\u201d We\u2019re all on a fat-train to hell, and it\u2019s stopping at a donut shop, a chicken shack, and a burger joint (twice) before we get there. I mean, seriously? I could eat all day. We already went through the whole freaky-ass holiday dessert story<\/a>, so let\u2019s just call it what it is\u2026if December doesn\u2019t end soon, I may die. <\/font><\/p>\n

And not in the figurative emo-eyeliner wearing hipster kind of die. <\/font><\/p>\n

I mean, clogged-arteries-sugar-coma kind of die. Not that I\u2019m usually this unhealthy (I run, I play racquetball, I occasionally take the stairs), but in December the wheels are off the fucking bus when it comes to any kind of fitness. You see, much like the rest of you, I suffer from a syndrome I have dubbed BusyLazyitis<\/i>. It\u2019s a technical term. It\u2019s basically that we\u2019re all busy as hell and then when we aren\u2019t busy, we are lazy bitches wrapped in Snuggies watching television and scarfing down treats like there’s no tomorrow. <\/font><\/p>\n

You know who you are. In the pink bunny footie pajamas. <\/i><\/font><\/font><\/p>\n

I know. I know.<\/i> We should all take better care of ourselves. We should all live in moderation. I say BULLSHIT, it’s December. We\u2019re weak. We\u2019re so easily manipulated into one more cookie, one more slice of pie, and for the love of Pete<\/i> pass that bowl of gravy. Because if wanting that hot, salty gravy goodness is wrong, then I don\u2019t want to be right. <\/font><\/p>\n

I\u2019m totally glad that the holiday season is coming to a close, even though it means we are locked in until Spring. I need to detox like Lindsay Lohan after a long weekend in Vegas\u2026.or actually, just any<\/i> day if you\u2019re Lindsay Lohan. I will miss the constant barrage of bizarro-food, and also the constant joy of days off. But it\u2019s getting out of hand, I tellya\u2026.getting OUT OF HAND. <\/font><\/p>\n

If you need in on this intervention, we meet on Thursdays at the donut shop on Main. <\/font><\/p>\n

And yes, they will dip that glazed number in a vat of fudge if you ask. <\/font><\/p>\n

What? You can\u2019t expect me to quit cold turkey? Mmmm<\/i>. Turkey<\/em>. <\/font><\/p>\n

<\/font><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dudes, it has been FOREVER since we talked. What the hell is wrong with me? Oh yeah, it’s December. Which is kind of like the opposite of that show “The Biggest Loser.” We’re all on a fat-train to hell, and it’s stopping at a donut shop, a chicken shack, and a burger joint (twice) before … Continue reading December Needs to End Before it Kills Me<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nDecember Needs to End Before it Kills Me - Trendables<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/trendables.com\/?p=8\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"December Needs to End Before it Kills Me - Trendables\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Dudes, it has been FOREVER since we talked. 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