Drive Thrus are Portals to Hell

Don’t get me wrong. I love the option of getting in my car with no shoes on in my ratty clothes and picking up a prescription without getting out of my car. Not that I do that. Much. But there are some drive-thru experiences that rival the 4th ring of Dante’s Hell- it was THISCLOSE to being the 3rd, but Walmart is the gift that just keeps on giving.

Granted, there times when the drive thru is awesome. Like when you’re jonesing for some Starbucks and you haven’t showered yet. Sure Starbucks never spells my name right, but they really have their drive-thru routine down. But given their very forgiving clientele and fast service – it’s actually faster to go in no matter what you’re sporting.

Actually, I should just be blaming the people IN the drive-thru line for being douches.

Do NOT make 5 separate orders in at Taco Bell. I don’t care if you’re picking up the lunch order for your co-workers and everyone wants something “special.” At that point, you just need to park it and cruise on in there– don’t confuse the guy on the headset, he’s wired for speed not crazy. Plus, this is Taco Bell, you can feed a family of 5 for $8…I think you can put it all on one ticket.

Get your money and go. Seriously. At the drive up ATM there are only 5 choice -and one of those is getting stamps – so that doesn’t count. Put your card in and then take the money out. It’s so easy … why are you making this so hard? And now there’s another car behind me…we’re all just trapped here while try to remember if your PIN is your cat’s birthday.

And for the record, if it IS your cat’s birthday….that is just fucking sad.

Picking up your meds should be easy and fast. I don’t know about you, but I always wait until the last possible second before reordering. So I am usually down to the wire
on getting my ‘scripts. And you never want to be one pill away from growing that third nipple (again). Nor do you want to be waiting for freaking-ever at the CVS. If you got some chatting to do, take your butt INSIDE. Do not engage your pharmacist in some long drawn out conversation about the adverse effects of Alli (bright orange anal leakage, anyone?) while you’re chilling in your Camry. Drug deals are meant to be quick and dirty. Let’s keep them that way.

Speaking of fast, I think Starbucks just called out my drink, one Mocha Latte for a “Charmin”. Hey, it’s squeezable soft, I can roll with that. 

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