Stores are Weird During the Day

It’s weird going to the store during the day. I’m talking about during the work week. It’s like that first time you see your gradeschool teacher at the grocery store. In the produce section. In flip flops. Okay, okay, the flip flops were a bit much, but you get the idea. It’s that kind of weird. Anyway, the Mr and I had a Halloween party last weekend, so the week prior, I was at just about EVERY store in town (twice).  And let me tell you, those ladies at Hobby Lobby take their fabric very seriously. They’ll cut you.

 

No, seriously. They. Will. Cut. You.

 

I’m not talking stores like Target. Target during the day is pretty much the same as Target at night or the weekends. That’s why we love Target. I’m talking about those “other” stores – you know, the ones you have to go to because they sell specialty items. Like fabric, weird cooking utensils, and clothing with various “holes” cut out. What? Don’t give me that look….you know what I’m talking about.

 

Hobby Lobby and GardenRidge. Sure, these stores look like they’d be all laid back and cool. But they take their crafts REALLY seriously. Kind of like when you’re going to customs at the airport and they ask if you want to declare something…and you totally want to declare that you’re fucking drunk. Yeah. They don’t think that’s funny. The TSA was not issued a sense of humor with that snazzy uniform.

 

But back to Hobby Lobby. Don’t be fooled. They are spry. And not at all sweet. Some crazy lady was buying about 80 different kinds of material at the Fabric Counter to make some bizarre teapot-themed quilt or 500 outfits for her dog. She was waving that tape measure around like a pair of wilty nunchucks. Oh, did I mention she had the crazy eyes. And a long pinkie nail. Which instantly means that she must be a cocaine-snorting-quiltin’-lunatic. I recommend that you steer clear of that geriatric ninja.

 

Office Supply Stores.  Nobody shops here. They are actually surprised when they see you. They also stalk you as you’re walking through the aisles. Because I look like the type of person about to steal a whole mess o’ paper clips. Really? I think I still have the box I stole from work 8 years ago. Take that, Staples!

 

Malls. I’ve only got 2 words for you: Stroller Patrol. They are locked into a heated gangwar with the Mall Walkers for turf. You can spot the Stroller crowd by their Starbucks while Walkers pack rolled up newspapers. I almost got caught in the middle of a scuffle in front of Sbarro’s. I was scared shitless…but it did smell delicious. From what I can gather, everything from Steve’s Apple Store to the Neiman’s is Stroller territory, if you venture to the end with the Vitamin Store and that weird embroidery shop, then you’re in Walker-ville. I am pretty sure the food court is up for grabs. Don’t be fooled by their Shape-up footwear or the Kenneth Cole blinged out strollers…..

 

They. Will. Cut. You.  

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