I Buy This Mag For The Pictures – NOT the Articles.

Women’s mags, not the other kind. Granted, everyone in ’em are half-nekkid most of the time, but I know where you’re sewer-mind was going. Because that’s where I would be going, and since you’re all my BFFs, I assume we’re all on this trolley to hell together. So anyway, after spending a long time in the checkout lane, because some douchebag apparently had to the need to buy a effin’ boatload of food. I was checking out all the woman’s mags and it dawned on me that all this time I must only be checking out the pictures and shit, because I completely glossed over how whacked out these “quizzes” they print are. I mean, I’m usually pretty keen on the crazy, but I can’t believe I missed on on these gems.

Sure they must be high on nail polish and hopped up on Red Bull to dream these suckers up but anyone who thinks that their life can be categorized from some random 10 question quiz is some kind of special. So I’ve done a very scientific survey (via the Google machine) and found these ACTUAL quizzes.

Quizzes Determined to Break Up Your Happy Home. 
Are you WAY too good for him? This is my favorite. Because obviously I MUST be too good for him….thank you Cosmo! You’re the best!
Is he devoted to you? Well, now I’m confused, I thought I was too good for him…? 
Is he only after your body? This quiz only had one question. The answer is YES.

Quizzes Determined to Get You Fired.
Are you destined for success? Because 4 years in college was apparently not enough.
Should you date your boss? Surprisingly, this quiz had more then one question. I think it should just have one – and that answer would be….NO.
Do you hook up at work too much? I didn’t realize there was a gray area of “okay amount of hooking up at work” – I am definitely working in the wrong place if HR didn’t tell me about this magic hooking up option.

Quizzes Determined to Leave You Friend-Less.
Are you a true friend? Hmmmm.
Are you a fab friend? Double Hmmm. I guess you cannot be both true and fab… these are hard choices none of those freaky shows like Blossom or Punky Brewster had “Very Special Episodes” about…so I don’t think we’re prepared to make these call. Maybe I’m just a so-so friend… couldn’t find a quiz about that, but no worries, there’s always NEXT month’s issue.

Quizzes Determined to Give Your Psychiatrist Years of Material.
Do you crave attention? If you’re taking this quiz, then YES.
Do you crave approval? Again, if you’re taking this quiz, then YES.
Should you cut your hair short? This is seriously a quiz online. I mean, if you can’t figure this out – you really got to step up your game on decision making. Lord help you when they ask you if you want to SuperSize your fries. 
Are you a hot challenge? Not sure what “hot challenge” means here, but I think it may influence how many subtle seductive vibes I give off.
How spontaneous are you? Spontenous enough to take a 10 question quiz and make a major life decision.
Do you know how to subtley give off seductive vibes? No, I only give off blatent vibes.

Quizzes Determined to Eff-Up Your Game.
Are you a player? Like Scrabble? I freakin’ love Scrabble.
Got girlfriend potential? I think we all agree that a quiz is a great way to determine this.  
How much fun are you? Not much. Just moderately fun.

Quiz that the douchebag buying groceries was taking: Jersey Shore Quotes Quiz.

Yeah. I think the answer he’s looking for is DOUBLE Douchebag.

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